Some of the things that we learn in a bereavement group are that the death of
a loved one is the most traumatic loss we can experience. Mourning
is the grieving that follows a loss and comes in many different
forms, depending on individual personalities, cultural traditions,
the nature of the death, and the intimacy of the relationship.
In the Grief Support Group, we stress confidentiality
and mutual support. There are no "shoulds" in grief. We
let others who have gone through the grief process help us
understand and deal with our grief.
We learn some facts about the nature of our feelings.
- Feelings are not right or wrong.
- Feelings are affected by how we think. Negative thoughts beget negative feelings.
- Feelings are mixed. Rarely can you feel one feeling at a time.
- Feelings can be expressed in different ways. There is no right way. Each
person has her/his own style.
- Feelings need to be experienced in doses, enough to feel but not to be overwhelming.
- Feelings do not lose their intensity by being buried, even
for a long time. They must be
worked through to lose their power.
In the Grief Support Group setting, we learn suggestions
for helping ourselves move through grief. We learn
to be patient and gentle with ourselves by not rushing the process. Our
body, mind and heart need energy to mend. We learn
to ask for and accept help. So much hurt and
pain goes unheeded during grief because we do not want to bother
others with our problems. We learn to lean into our
pain. It
cannot be outrun. We cannot go around it, over it,
or under it. We need to go through it; we need to
be good to ourselves, putting balance into our lives through
prayer, reading, resting, relaxation
and work. Grief takes time. Unrealistic
expectations undermine the healing process.
